{{ simply being loved - chapter 17
Rich laughter echoed throughout the dining chamber as Gadell relayed some inane joke down at the upper half of the table. The upper half of the table, full of oblivious ignorant people. They had no idea what was going on.
Jacen was seated beside his sister near the center of the long, rectangular table. Like most meals he ate with the crowd, Tenel Ka had a perfect view of him. She made it a point to move her seat in a position that gave easy access to a view of the General.
Tenel Ka must have cleaned herself up while Jacen was still unconscious and tied to the chair that morning. Her face was void of makeup and her eyes were clear of any dark circles. She was wearing the same purple dress Jacen had first seen her in, when he opened his eyes in the Hapan medical bay. It was cool and airy, a color that suprisingly didn't offset or contrast with the molten copper of her hair. Jacen tried not to look at her, because every chance she got, she would glare directly at him, mercury rising in her eyes. Gnashing his teeth around a long stalk of some type of Hapan vegetable he couldn't recognize, he stared down to his plate, eating in silence.
Minutes passed.
"If I could have your attention please, everyone," Gadell stood, lightly tapping the stem of his glass on the side of his plate. All heads turned towards him.
"A week from tonight, we shall be holding a banquet here, at the Palace, celebrating the wedding between myself and the Queen Mother, which shall be held exactly a week after that. On behalf of the Queen Mother and I, we invite you for an extended stay on Hapes for the feast and the wedding. We hope you will all be able to attend."
Excited murmurs passed through the attendees of the casual lunch. Jaina Solo slammed her knife on her plate and glanced up directly across the table, to her parents and her aunt and uncle.
Her uncle nodded. They would be staying.
Jaina's widened gaze turned with her head to her right, to look at her brother. She didn't want to stay here any longer than she had to; for fear of her brother's safety... and sanity. Watching him, she noticed his food was virtually untouched and his eyes were locked on Tenel Ka, as he gnawed on his lower lip.
Jacen unblinkingly let his eyes linger on the Queen Mother as she stared back to him, silently eating small bites of her food. She would take a bite and set the fork down, pretending to listen to her soon-to-be-husband's ramble as he spoke to her and the Court around them. Knowing Jacen was absently watching her, she would purposely do random things like drag her tongue across her lips and lean back in her chair, slowly running her fingers back and forth across her collarbone.
Just random little things she knew drove Jacen Solo crazy.
Jaina forced her eyes to travel back to her own plate, letting herself think about the past between her twin brother and Tenel Ka. One of her most vivid memories was during the war, when they all felt Jacen's death. Jaina had still been numb from Anakin's, so Jacen's death was just another burden atop that. Her emotions were closed off and blocked from everyone and she was letting it all build up...
But Tenel Ka...
Tenel Ka. Jaina could feel the raw emotion seething from her pores through the Force as she threw herself against the walls of the Yuuzhan Vong craft and screamed, pleading to the Force that it wasn't true. Beating the sides with her right fist, tears forming in her usually collected eyes, regret and depression wrapping itself in a cocoon around the young warrior.
Jaina had never felt such emotion in her life. And that's when she knew that one of her biggest questions was finally answered.
Tenel Ka was in love with Jacen Solo.
At that point, she had deeply regretted the snappy remark she had made to Tenel Ka during their mission to Myrkr.
"You have the emotional depth of a ronto."
That was the biggest lie Jaina had ever let seep out of her mouth.
Sneaking a glance back to her brother who was seated beside her, she watched as he tore his eyes away from the questionably flirtatious Tenel Ka and placed his hands in front of him on the table. He looked sick. He looked hurt.
He looked lost.
Jacen's lips began moving silently. Mouthing random words, speaking only to himself. Jaina placed her hand on his upper arm and she could sense four pairs of eyes on them, from their elders across the table. "Jacen..."
"I just... I... Tenel Ka... Why... please... I..."
"Jacen," Jaina's grip tightened, causing him to turn and look at her.
"I have to go."
Jaina's expression scrunched into a look of deep concern.
"I can't sit here any longer."
Jacen pushed his seat away from the table, leaving his food there and throwing one last glance to Tenel Ka, he turned and left to leave the room. He thought no one was really paying attention to him.
"General Solo."
Jacen stopped in midstep, on his way to the door and looked back to the source of the voice. Gadell was standing up, beside his own chair, the people around him were staring to the General and the rest of the room began to turn their heads as well.
"Yes, Commander?" Jacen tried to stay as calm as possible.
At least half of the people in the room, Kyp, Danni, Jag, Saba, the remaining members of the strike team and so on; had learned of the history between Jacen and Tenel Ka. Jaina, their parents and their aunt and uncle knew it too well, as did Zekk and Lowie. Anhaje also knew their past and they all knew how the two felt for each other, even if the two didn't know it themselves.
The scene was difficult to watch. Gadell, trying to snake his way into his fiancée's best friend's good side. Gadell didn't mean it in an amicable way though. He was basically being sarcastic, to put on a show for his Queen Mother and the Hapan Court, who brown-nosed anything with power and money. "Are you alright?"
Jacen's face became eerily serene, "I'm fine. Thank you for asking, sir."
"You look a little pale. Maybe you should get some rest."
"I think I'll do that, Commander. Enjoy the rest of your lunch."
Jacen turned and exited the chamber, his chin held in the air. Gadell found his way back to his seat and began murmuring to Tenel Ka, who was whispering back to him.
Most likely about Jacen.
Jaina scowled as she turned to look at her parents.
After a walk through the quiet gardens, Jacen found his way back to the Strike Team memorial. He didn't know what drew him to it, but he ended up in the center, seated, crosslegged. His eyes were shut and his face was drawn upwards, towards the leafy canopy above him. Sitting in silence for some time, Jacen felt a presence, looming over his back. For some reason, he didn't jump at it, get scared by it or try to hurt it.
It was comforting. It leaned down and wrapped it's arms around his neck, leaving Jacen with a peaceful feeling. It's words wiped all traces of that feeling away.
"What the kriff is your deal, Jasa?"
"Anakin?"
Jacen turned his head to the side, and out of the corner of his eye he could see an apparition of his younger brother, pulling his arms away from Jacen's neck. The shade spun around and sat with his back to Jacen's, letting the brothers face opposite directions.
"What do you mean?"
"Jacen, I probably know this better than you do, since you deny pretty much everything... but, you love Tenel Ka."
"I... I do."
"And sitting around here moping about it is going to do what?"
"Nothing. Well... what do you suggest I do, Anakin?"
"Hm." The specter paused, crossing his arms over his chest. "If I was you, I'd find a way to get rid of that arm, Jasa." He shook his left arm out to symbolize the black metal limb, "That thing is retched."
"I know. I can feel it. There's something inside of it."
"And you haven't done anything about it."
Jacen breathed a sigh. His brother was right. He needed to take action. And the arm was probably the first thing that needed attention.
"I know I'm right. You know I'm right. Now go on, Jacen."
"Anakin. What if Tenel Ka doesn't love me?"
The illusion crawled in front of his brother, a bewildered look on his hazy face. "That's like asking, 'What if mom doesn't love dad?' ...she loves you Jacen. You could see it. Before this whole Gadell ordeal, this whole arm thing. Especially on Myrkr. I saw you two talking when you were keeping watch. I saw you both sitting on that bunk, shoulders touching, smiles on your face. You thought I was asleep. The way she looked at you, the way she spoke to you; Jacen I saw her smile at you..."
Jacen stared into the oceanic blue eyes, doubting.
"Jacen, you must be blind."
"I don't know Anakin... I'm not good with this romance stuff anyways. You were always the Solo kid that specialized in the 'ladies' department." Jacen smirked as a chuckle escaped his lips.
"Well; let me give you some brotherly advice about it, Jasa." The spirit leaned inward towards his older brother. "Be honest and be yourself."
"Sounds simple."
"It is. And let me tell you, if you think Tenel Ka doesn't love you, you are blind. Anyone who can deal with those horrible jokes for so long without kicking you in the face must be in love." Anakin shot a lopsided grin to his brother before vanishing.
And minutes later, Jacen awoke to the sound of his own panting. Curled up in the center of the grove, he had fallen into a trance while meditating.
And he saw a vision of Anakin. He had a talk with his late brother.
Was that a dream...?
Jacen's brandy-browns shot over to the holo of his brother's smiling face, which Jacen could've sworn had gotten more mischievous looking since the last time he gazed at it.
He had to tell Jaina. He had to tell Jaina what Anakin had told him about the arm... about everything. And standing up, Jacen turned and ran out of the grove, back towards the darkening Palace.
Breathlessly arriving in the hallway adjacent to his own quarters, he decided to stop by and change his clothes. They had become damp with perspiration while he was in the grove.
He froze.
Waiting outside his door, a sybaritic Tenel Ka, arms crossed, hair wildly hanging around her tan shoulders, her purple dress softly clinging to her body and a smirk across her face.
"Hello Jacen."
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