{{ simply being loved - chapter 10
The General had left the medical bay after a few more tests had been run. He had returned to his quarters and was now staring out to the sea on the balcony that was attached to his room.
The huge double doors slid open to reveal a gorgeous sunset, which Jacen was effortlessly losing himself in. The breeze off of the water tousled his hair as his eyes wandered up and down the jagged coastline.
Far below his window, he could see the sprawling maze of the Palace's gardens. Some out in the open and some covered in the canopies of thin snakelike vines. The garden opened out to an area of long thin grass which then met with the rocks of the coastline.
Jacen spent about two standard hours with his head in his hands and his elbows on the thick stone railing, glaring out into the glistening waters. His deep brown eyes, laced with bloodshot veins, were red and starting to swell.
He had been crying.
Jacen Solo. A Jedi, one of the most well-known. A General for the New Republic, with the ability to lead fleets. Always thinking ahead. Always well composed. Always in control.
And he had been crying.
Mainly crying for what he had lost.
His hands curled into fists as they slowly fell to the ledge.
Jacen wanted to know what was wrong with Tenel Ka. And he still wanted to tell her how he felt about her. He actually wanted to witness her reaction and gauge her feelings through the Force. But he didn't know how he would get to her.
Or when.
Or what she would say.
But he would give anything to find out.
A sigh sounded as he buried his head in his arms, closing his eyes.
Dinner was brought to her that night, in her quarters. She was running a slight fever again.
Silence is what she needed. She sat alone. No lights on in her room. She posted two guards outside.
No one could come in. No matter who it was.
Tenel Ka locked her silvery eyes on her supper and watched it intently, as if it would do something. She was too tired to eat any of it. The plate was sitting on her vanity table, which was set up on the wall opposite the gigantic set of open doors that led to the Queen Mother's balcony. The table was connected to a large mirror in which the mammoth balcony doors could be seen. Tenel Ka never really used the vanity table, since she never felt the need to make herself look any different than she looked already. Sometimes she had to sit at it while her hair was being done for a ball or a speech or something. But she never went to it to stare endlessly at herself or fix her makeup like her grandmother always did.
But now, looking up from her untouched food, she stared at her reflection.
Her eyes were glazed over, letting the sudden sharpness of them glow through. They were a silver shade that pierced back at her. Her hair hung tangled around her shoulders, random pieces curling inwards and others curling outwards, giving her copper mane an incredibly umkempt look. The bags from under her eyes had disappeared during her long afternoon nap. She hadn't made an appearance at lunch that day. The last time the public saw her was that morning during her speech. And with her sudden slight relapse of the fever it would probably be the last for a few days.
The Queen Mother swam in a mass of deep red silk. She was wearing a robe that swept the floor as she walked. It had an underlayer of thick silk that left the arms bare, and had a sheer layer over that; which let the tan skin and the black metallic of her arms show through. The robe was gathered around her as she sat in the cushioned chair, her eyes trailing from her reflection, to her food and back again.
Tenel Ka peered past her reflection, at the sky over the balcony railing.
Night had fallen on Hapes.
Her mind was a mess. All day it had been like that. She didn't know what to think anymore.
The Queen Mother's right fist came crashing down on the tabletop in front of her.
She wasn't tired. She wasn't even that sick.
She was just incredibly confused.
I must find Jacen.
...
Why do you want to find that fool?
I love him.
You what? Ha!
I do.
That is funny.
I always have.
He is worthless. Do not bother with him. You sit here sick and he is off playing with animals. Or perhaps he is speaking to that pretty scientist Danni. Or spending time with the talented Jedi, Tahiri Veila. Maybe even channeling that retched bird, Vergere.
How dare you. They are Jacen's friends. Jacen has friends. The fact that some are female makes no difference.
Right. You keep telling yourself that.
This is impossible. I have to tell him---
Tenel Ka heard voices beyond the door.
"Is the Queen Mother here?"
"Yes Commander Vessau, she is here," A female voice, one of the guards.
"Can I speak to her?"
"We are not allowed to let anyone in, Queen Mother's orders." The other guard.
"I'm going to be married to her! I'm going to be her husband! I'm not even allowed in?!"
"No one."
"We are sorry, Commander."
She could feel Gadell's feisty presence storm away from the door and she could hear him calling back to the guards.
"I will get in there soon. I will find a way in, believe me. She can't hide from me."
Tenel Ka wanted to open the door. She wanted to go find Jacen. She wanted to invite Gadell in and plant a kiss on his cheek. She wanted to tell Jacen how much he meant to her. She wanted to call Gadell back---
She didn't know what she wanted. Her insides were buzzing. The liquid from the arm was playing with her mind... her emotions.
She wanted to open the door.
The whole time Gadell was there, she tried to.
And the whole time, she wouldn't let herself.
Tenel Ka continued her inner argument, seated in the lush chair for an unknown amount of time. Her eyes darted from the reflection of the sky, to the moonbeams hitting the walls, to the door, to her reflection, to the gort eggshell necklace laid out upon the vanity table, back to the moonbeams, back to the reflection of the balcony...
Her muscles tensed.
She had been so busy getting lost in her thoughts and her struggles, she didn't sense the presence of someone on the balcony.
Tenel Ka drew in a deep breath and watched in the mirror as the silhouette slid off of the balcony railing.
It stopped and stood there, waiting.
A tall male form. She could tell by the broad shoulders.
Gadell does not quit, does he?
The Queen Mother tore herself out of the chair and dashed across the room, out onto the balcony. Her right hand was clenched in a fist, ready to beat Gadell over the head for breaking into her room and disobeying her orders to be left alone.
Tenel Ka stepped into the moonlight, which landed on the man's face.
Some of the sharpness faded from her eyes as they drowned in pools of brandy-brown. Her mouth worked around things to say.
A finger gently touched her lips, silently telling her not to say anything.
A whisper. The voice she had grown to love.
"I went through the nine Corellian Hells climbing up here. Now you tell me what's wrong."
| 